According to Knapp’s Model of Relational Development, there are ten steps in the process but divided into two phases. All steps must be followed one step at a time for its efficiency. At the beginning of my relationship, we had to go through similar stages in the building of our relationship. My wife Tiana and I met through a popular dating app known as tinder. I loved her profile pictures. She was mesmerizing. I knew she liked me because we instantly connected from how we talked for long hours. During our interactions on tinder, we planned on a met up at an ice cream parlor. We were both very curious to see each other in person to confirm if we felt the same. At the meet, we connected even more but still just on a friendly basis.
On our second date, we already knew each other with our different physical attributes. At the second stage, I was trying to shift to the second gear. I was trying my best to impress Tiana. I tried to be funny throughout the date, making witty remarks at every opportune moment. We saw perfection in each other.it felt like that perfect fit. From there on, we frequently met for lunch and dinner. We took long in this stage because; we were still on campus and still experimenting. I think we had a sense of immaturity in us. We took longer than usual compared to other couples. Most couples take three to four months, depending on their level of experience and maturity. After six months is when were started questioning what we wanted from the relationship. The issue was brought up by Tiana. The thing i learned is that this stage should not be taken slow.
During the sixth month and the third stage, the reality was dawning on us that we were really in love. The connection was tight, and even the conversation could be a sincere heart to heart talks. She had so much trust in me, and we got more intimate. She acted normal and was always relaxed as she felt no need to impress me. That was the level of intimacy we felt for each other. We started noticing each other’s flaws. The perfection act stopped at this point. I have to admit that some of her cute habits were irritating at some points. But the good thing is we learned to solve our relationship problems without any help from a third party. At this point, Tiana started pushing for the commitment she wanted me to assure her of my sincerity and dedication.
At this final stage, Tiana and I had a good understanding and had our eyes set on a mutual goal with the relationship. We shared honest and open relationships conversations. Even questions of several children, career goals, lifestyles, and finance discussed. I feel the last was the most crucial because we had to make proper but hard choices. We had to evaluate the relationship before we could get engaged critically.
Part 2
The dynamics of Relational dialectics may be on interpersonal communication. The dynamics give a clear explanation of how communication patterns arise between persons when they sustain a relationship. The theory is well put by Baxter and Montgomery when they said Social life is a dynamic knot of contradictions, a ceaseless interplay between contrary or opposing tendencies. Relationship dialectics becomes very useful for defining how tensions get managed within relationships. Examples of persuasive frequency that exist include; balance, segmentation, denial, integration, recalibration, alternation, and reaffirmation. In my relationship with my wife, I use the balance strategy. With that, I become the bigger man when a problem arises. I can set aside other issues and solely focus on solving the problem with my wife. I become a bigger man and compromise. The strategy I want to work on is the segmentation strategy. Segmentation is the couple’s ability to live independent and separate lives even when not together. That is one strategy I am working to achieve. Due to the intimate attachment to my wife, it may be hard for us to live away from each other. That strategy will help in the future in case our careers decide that we live far from one another.
The impact my current strategy(balance) has helped in our relationship is that it has helped us overcome lots of challenges and brought maturity and growth in the relationship. At the same time, I understand my wife with all her flaws. I tend to know the best way on how to react or act when an argument arises. Tiana is a beautiful but high tempered lady. I know that if she starts screaming, I let her yell her lungs out because I know I will increase her anger if I talk back at her. That is the compromise I use. Having understood that, I know how to engage her efficiently. I am the one who has to find a bargain or balance between us. Balance has been sufficient and helped in the growth of the relationship. All our work-related problems are left at work and not brought back home. Having used the strategy on many occasions, I believe it is useful.