Another the 4th of June

Another the 4th of June

Dear Mary, forgive for I weep as I write down this letter

But years since you left things have not been any better

And today is usually the toughest of them days; maybe I will feel good later

Truth is, I will never feel whole again

Not as long as my heart aches, and my soul remains clouded with this pain

The pain of knowing you’ll never be there to ever comfort me

Ever since you left, the cry of my soul has been the same as when you first neglected me at three

I maybe a grown-up man now, but the little boy within me still cries for someone to love me

Not the way girls do, no; somebody to look into my broken soul, give me a hug and whisper, “I’m proud of you son”

To fill this hole in my heart I have done everything possible under the sun

Went to the best schools, best church, read the best books, wrote the best love poems but I never felt loved

To fill this whole, I have done the worst too and it left me feeling drugged

Before you left you told me never to leave church and God, but like you, he already left me

Now I live with this demon of loneliness, My Darling, she’s the one who truly loves me

Because loneliness is the only genuine emotion flowing from my heart

I asked God to grant me peace of mind but he told me to forgive my deadbeat father first

But he is the dark chapter I prefer leaving in my past

You know it as well as I do that were it not for him, you’d still be here, and I’d have a healthy brother, Joseph

Were it not for him; I would probably have learned how to love myself,

Were it not for you choosing him over us I’d never live to dread every the 4th of June

It’s the day you left; I spent this night staring at the moon

I stared at the sky and envied you; you finally made it home

Now you’re at peace, and I’m not; I miss you so much every time I feel alone

If God doesn’t bring me there, maybe these pills will; I long to be where you are

I know you can’t hear me nor read this letter, but I’m glad I wrote it

Cause it has wiped my tears and sleep will drown the rest of my fears

Now let me speak what I wanted to say;

I may have a heart without a soul, and you may be thousands of miles away

But you will always be my mum; I love you for that

Continue resting I will meet you soon

This was just Another the 4th of June.