Part A:
Being silent has always been a challenge in my life. It applies to most if not all areas of my life, from as long as I remember myself. As a young girl, I got suspended many times for being a chatterbox, and it didn’t stop being a challenge even as I got older. As an adult, where I was impacted the most, was in my relationships and especially in my marriage. Furthermore, what I realized very recently, is that the biggest issue accompanying inability to remain silent was my lack of listening skills.
When people would point this out to me before, the number one thing I would do is get defensive. It is only after becoming a Christian and realizing just how much my inability to remain silent, affected my relationship walking with Christ. I noticed that it is easier for me to pray, than to sit in a prayer and allow God to speak to me. I believe, this is an area I absolutely need to grow in, because it can have astronomical impact on my future career as a therapist. First, because my lack of silence may make the sessions about myself, instead of the client. Second, because when I am so busy talking, I will miss out on hearing important details and catching certain emotions and pain, coming across impatient and self-centered.
Part B
Oftentimes, one does not notice his/her shortcomings unless closely observed. This exercise allowed me to understand the depth and the extent of the issue of inability to remain silent. For the entire week, I woke every morning saying “Today, I will remain silent, no matter how eager I am to speak.” I even repeated this during the day, several times! During the first day, I was more cautious, and almost avoided conversations. During day two, as my husband was trying to have a conversation with me, I continually interrupted and tried guessing “what happened next.” At the end, when he got super hurt and disappointed at my inability to allow him finish his sentences, I realized that I am not applying being silent in my life.
On the third day I realized that my inability to remain silent may have to do with my inability to remain silent with God and myself. I realized that I am constantly busy and around others. I noticed that part of the reason why I keep myself so busy, is to avoid having to be silent. When I say realize, I do not intend to say I did not know. I have always known I struggle with remaining silent. What I mean by “I realized” is that I have noticed again that I haven’t been being silent internally, which has automatically led to inability to be silent externally.
On the fourth day, I decided to not only remind myself the importance of silence, but also remain in silence for a few minutes before starting my day. To my surprise, that day things went worse than any other. My husband approached me trying to have a conversation and without even listening to what he had to say, I jumped in to correct him, to give him suggestions and we ended up arguing. As we were arguing, all I could think about was the “silence,” and the last thing I wanted to do was remain silent. On Friday, I recognized my “failure” to have external silence, whether or not, I actively sleeked internal silence.
I believe this is because oftentimes, even when I am silent, I am actually not. This affects my listening, connecting, understanding and most importantly my peace. Although, I have always paid the “consequences” of inability to remain silent in my relationships, as a future therapist, it is worrisome. I believe, silence brings peace and one of the most important qualities of a therapist is the ability to create a peaceful space for the client. In order for me to achieve that therapeutic peaceful space, I need to learn to be silent; both internally and externally.