A contemporary study on sexual immorality
- Kelly-R&B singer
- What ails the American king of R&B
The American music producer and singer R Kelly is also a former basketball player. He is well known for his leading role in the Hip Hop and on the R&B scene. Not only has he sung many songs but also written and produced albums for many artists. They include the famous Michael Jackson’s song- You are not alone -which he wrote.
With a record sale of over 75 million records sold worldwide, it is no wonder that R Kelly is among the best-selling music artists. From the 1990s, however, he faced allegations of sexual abuse mainly involving underage girls. With cases of child pornography since 2002 from which he was acquitted in 2008, he was dropped by RCA Records after public pressure when several women raised allegations of sexual abuse against him.This led to his incarceration at a correction center in Illinois in July 2019, where he faces several federal charges, including child pornography and kidnapping.https://www.biography.com/musician/r-kelly
It’s easy to see what’s likely to happen to a talented person who is purely driven by his physical needs. In the absence of a moral gauge, it is easy for a person who has enjoyed world fame to fall, as is the case with R Kelly, who crossed all boundaries of success in the music industry to engage in atrocities against women of different ages. The separate allegations all point to sexual injustices meted out on his victims at various stages of his music career. He has denied all of this, alleging to be a victim of people keen on assassinating his music career.
One is left to wonder what might have gotten into the singer’s mind, which led him to commit the alleged acts against women. Is it success perhaps, or the ease with which he could lure women to his trap, perhaps? Not to forget, he has money as well and can use it to attract vulnerable girls and women especially. Many women have already come up with complaints against him, all of them of sexual nature. It points to a man who is haunted by his lack of control of his sexual drive. He did not hesitate to go after them regardless of the effect on his music career instead regarding the escapades as conscientious. At the same time, he denied any involvement with underage women.
Sexual immorality is a vast cancer among different celebrities, both young ones and those already established. The fact that they have a large following can quickly get in their heads, leading them to make irrational decisions. The power such a person wields over his fans might easily be taken advantage of since fans arelikely to engage. Unless one such has the reverence of a higher power, it is easy to fall under the temptation that comes with success.
In R Kelly’s case, he eventually went separate ways with his wife on allegations of physical and emotional abuse meted out on her. It would seem he’s one of many celebrities facing the consequences of sexual immorality. But just what is sexual immorality, you might ask.
On a moral basis, it is indulgence in sexual activity that violates social conventions. From a Christian point of view, it means engagement of sexual activity outside Bible teachings. The Bible is quite clear of the boundaries within which sex should take place. Only a man and woman committed to each other in holy matrimony can undertake the act. Anything outside that is regarded as sexual immorality according to God’s word.
It is clear from a moral and Christian point of view that sexual violence is an undesirable vice. It can be difficult for one who is given to yield to the wills of the flesh to help themselves. In a case where it is a repeated habit, as was the case with R Kelly, one requires God’s help to overcome. Sexual sin is among the difficult ones to get over, often requiring a higher power intervention. Faith in God is a great place to start to win the overall manner of bondage.https://unlockingthebible.org/2016/08/three-steps-to-address-sexual-immorality/
The destructive nature of sexual sin requires one to take charge of it as soon as they become aware of its existence. For instance, early intervention in R Kelly’s case would have helped save his marriage, music career, and reputation. One sure way to deal with sexual sin is for the one involved to flee from it. On realization, you are attracted to the wrong person; you then need to fight it at times by keeping away. However, this can be a tall order for a celebrity who has fans throwing themselves at him. Had R Kelly distanced himself the instance he felt attracted to the women; things would undoubtedly have turned out a different way for him in the end.
Understand that sexual immorality is a war in the mind of the one suffering from it. Unless a person conquers the thoughts in his mind, he will not be able to control himself. The mind is a powerful tool in the direction thoughts of a person take. It is crucial you do not entertain sinful thoughts as soon as they appear. The more you ponder over something, the more likely you are to follow up on it with action. That’s why having power over the mind is essential for the one trying to overcome sexual immorality.
It’s quite unfortunate that a famous singer and artist such as R Kelly has suffered what might be irreparable damage in life. Whereas a reign on the emotions would have helped the situation, instead he chose to give in to what his body was telling him. Bodily desires, when not put under control, can get out of hand, leading to a downfall of the individual, as is the case of R Kelly, who is now in incarceration for all manner of allegations of sexual misdemeanor against him.
2.Power of the mind
My mind’s tellin’ me no
The mind is a powerful thing. Every action starts as a thought in the mind of a person. In thebrain, ideas get formed, which then gets communicated to the rest of the body. What one does with the ideas determines the outcome. Do you take the ideas into mind to nature them into action or merely let them go?The way you treat an idea that comes to mind determines if you go along with it or drop it altogether—all which depends on your strength of mind to decide whether it’s the right thing to do.
Take, for example, a case where you face a compromising situation. It might seem like a good idea, but you are aware of the consequences likely to follow afterward. The wise thing to do is weigh the thought against the outcome and see if it’s worth the risk. Ask yourself the question, am I willing to risk what I have right now to go ahead with the idea? Often you find that if you pose to figure out the effect a decision will have, you can make a more rational decision. Unfortunately, this is not the case, usually when it comes to sexual immorality. Victims often jump into it without thought of how it will turn out in the end. The lure can be so strong that even the strongest man finds himself falling into the trap.
Like everything else, sexual immorality begins in mind. Mainly through sight, and this could be physically seeing a person or entertaining lustful thoughts in mind. R Kelly was fighting a battle of the mind before engaging in sexual acts with the women. The first line of his song-Bump n’ grind goes like this; My mind’s tellin’ me, no, but my body, my body’s tellin’ me yes. He was involved in a fight requiring more than human power to win. In his case, the battle proved too difficult for him to win over, therefore, giving in to his bodily desires.
You will notice that this did not happen once. Several women came out with allegations against the singer, which means he fell repeatedly. It’s the thing with sexual sin as the victim is unable to help himself and frequently gets involved.The Bible warns against sexual immorality, terming it as a sin against oneself.Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body (1 Corinthians 6:18 NKJV)It means that a person who gives in to the wiles of the flesh brings harm onto himself with the act. There’s no blaming someone else for it as it is something you bring on yourself.
The battle between the mind and body is not an easy one. It requires a concerted effort for one to do the right thing despite the desires of thebody. The moment an idea gets passed across, one can either go with it or decide to ignore it altogether. The problem presents when an idea seems so worthwhile and might seem difficult to shelve. Take in the case of R Kelly. He encountered different women and had a desire to sleep with them. Despite knowledge, it was the wrong thing for him to do; he was unable to resist the ideas in his mind; therefore, he yielded to them.
His obsession went beyond any woman involving underage girls as well. They might have been easier for him to lure in, fascinated with his status as a leading R & B artist and all. Young girls are quite impressionable and easily fall for such traps. R Kelly imagines it’s a way of expressing lovefor him to sleep with them means he considers himself a gift to girls and women in general. Kind of like, they are lucky to fall under his charm being who he is. This is the elevated sense of importance that plagues most people after they get in the limelight. It’s like everything is available for them and they forget that like everybody else their actions will have consequences too. Unless one has a firm grip on the wrong and right, they might find themselves falling under the lure of physical desire.
Most people who get caught up in sexual sin do not take responsibility for their actions; instead, they prefer passing blame to someone else. You might blame it on the situation or the way your spouse treats you to rationalize the act. None of which is right as each of us has the power of choice. One can either go with their feelings or reject them altogether. It’s not right to blame someone else for something you did since you could have optednot to go along with it.
Another excuse people involved in sexual immorality often have is to label it an addiction, meaning they have no control over it. Its as if they are driven to commit the act by a power beyond them. In this song, R Kelly mentions he sees nothing wrong with a little bump n’ grind, which means its nothing new to him, more like something he likes to do now and then. It points to a man who is unable to tame his desires and prefers instead to flow with them. Without thought of the effect, his actions will have on the victim or how it affects him too. This is not surprising as many people have been felled down by sexual immorality before. The ill tears families apart, leaving pain and suffering in its wake. Some of the victims do all they can to try and fight the vice but cannot take themselves out of the snare.
Before a person falls into the trap of sexual immorality, it appears like harmless fun. Nothing wrong in getting the girl to agree to sleep with you; after all, she also gets to enjoy it too, right? In his case, R Kelly seems to think he’s doing the women a favor by getting them in bed with him. Perhaps due to his status as a leading artist.For this reason, he probably allows his body to win over conscience to go after what he desires.
- Bodily pleasures
My body’s tellin’ me yes
Thus goes R Kelly’s song. Admittedly, the body of a human beingpossesses all kinds of desires. These are brought about by circumstances which one finds themselves or by sheer desires of the flesh. While it’s possible to control one’s actions through the mind, most people fail to do so, allowing the urge to take over. This is a recipe for disaster as the human body is known to go after the wrong things sometimes.
It’s important to note that what we feed the mind is likely to present in action. Ideas get formed in the mind making it a compelling part of a person. For this reason, one should fill the mind with only good thoughts. Thoughts do take shape after a while, thus the importance of taking reign of them beforehand. Take the good and drop the bad.As in the case of R Kelly, who should have taken captive of his thoughts, the moment the idea occurred to him. Our thoughts and feelings affect the way we function. The relationship between the mind and body has an impact on the way things turn out for us.
Perhaps it did not occur to him the kind of impact the decision to go after the women would eventually have. He lost not just his music career but also his marriage and reputation. This happens typically anytime that a person makes a decision based on feelings. He could have resisted the lure to get involved by not entertaining any thought of seeing other women. Perhaps exercise proper control of the mind to steer away. He was debating between what his mind told him and how he felt, which goes to show how secure the connection between mind and body is.
Perhaps it’s essential to look at what happens when one does not have control of his body. The body has desires that push one to take action. For instance, a feeling of hunger is the body communicating that you need to eat. You can decide to go ahead, eat some food, or choose to ignore the feeling and remain hungry. Either way, you have a choice about what to do concerning the matter.
In much the same way, you also have a choice regarding sexual morality. It’s not so much how you feel in the body but what you determine to do about it with your mind. Notice that not all bodily desires are right for you. You have to engage your conscience on the move that you make after that. Christians have an advantage in that they can engage a higher power to help determine how to go with things. God has given us the power of choice so we can decide what to do in any situation. However, at times it’s beyond us to choose right due to the things our bodies want. That is when we require God’s help to give us the strength we need to do the right thing. On our own, we are apt to make the wrong decisions, which could lead to unpleasant repercussions later on.
When a person throws caution to the wind and disregards the voice of reason, he is likely to take the wrong turn. Especially so in matters of sex, which can take a speedy turn if not checked in time. It often takes just one thought to lead one to engage in an immoral act. It’s for this reason that the Bible warns us to guard the heart from which everything flows. This involves sifting what we see or hear to determine what is right for us. It’s in the mind where one determines the action to take, which in turn tunes the body to go with it. If only R Kelly put his foot down and decided to ignore his body’s wills, he would not be where he is today. On its own, the body can lead one into all kinds of ways, some of them not necessarily right. As is the case of what happened to the famous R&B artist.
God is a willing help in times that we feel unable to do the right thing. Sexual immorality is a strong pull on a person and can only be overcome with a firm resolve. Either that or ask God for the strength to overcome. For sure, he is a merciful God and will help those who ask. One thing though, is a person has to remain in the Will of God to receive his help. There’s a lot to enjoy for the one who stays in the Will of God, part of which is strength when you need it as happens in the case when we require power to flee sexual immorality. John 14:15-18“If you love Me, keep My commandments. And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever — the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you. I will not leave you orphans; I will come to you.”
Ask for God’s help if you feel you’ve lost all power to control your emotions. God understands and is an ever-present help in times of need. Anytime there’s a battle raging between your mind and body, take some time to determine how to go, so you do not end up having to deal with unnecessary consequences. You don’t have to listen to your body all the time, as your feelings can be misleading.
- The deceit of the flesh
II don’t wanna hurt nobody
There are consequences to sexual immorality. It’s not possible to get away with it, and that’s why one should steer clear of it. Let’s face it when you entertain thoughts of having an illicit affair; it often starts as a sexual fantasy in the mind. You meet someone you like and immediately thought of how two of you can hit it off and take root in your mind. The more you nurture these thoughts, the more you find yourself attracted to the person in question. All along, you figure it is just harmless fun and do not think twice about it.
Most people that get caught up in the vice rarely think about what will happen when the fun is over. The lure of sexual gratification can be overwhelming, making it hard for one to stophimself. This is more so in the case of a famous person who gets to meet all kinds of people all the time. As is the case with R Kelly. For him, it might have seemed there was nothing wrong getting involved with different women. After all, he enjoyedadoring fans, most of them willing to give in to his advances. He allowed fame to get into his mind and then took advantage of the situation. It’s obvious he had no way to help himself but to give in to demands of the flesh.
Sexual involvement with a minor is unjustifiable. The allegation he slept with underage girls does nothing to better his case. The girls were not mature enough to make the right decision if to entertain his advances or not. It makes his situation more complicated since he took advantage of them. Perhaps he might have figured they were lucky to have his attention this way, no matter how wrongthe act. We might never know what went through his mind each time he committed these acts, but one thing’s for sure. There is nothing honorable in taking advantage of people you should protect in the first place.
Getting involved with underage girls might seem like an easy way for one to soothe his sexual fantasies. Despite the fact it’sillegal, one might see it as an easy way to fulfill his desires. After all, young girls do not harbor many expectations from such a relationship, right? If they consent to the act, it is mainly from a sense of adventure or simply coerced into it. No matter his reason, he should have known it was going to hurt them in the end. Having been sexually assaulted as a child, R Kelly should understand better than do the same to someone else.
A history of sexual immorality can point to a psychological issue in a person. Study shows that people who have been abused sexually have a likelihood of becoming abusers. R Kelly was abused as a child to, later on, face several allegations of similar acts. https://www.theguardian.com/music/2018/may/08/the-problem-with-r-kelly-how-the-star-is-finally-facing-the-music
It’s difficult to understand the mind of a person who reasons that being sexually immoralis an innocent act. Sleeping around is not a favor to the victims in any way. Therefore, when he goes ahead to confess he sees nothing wrong with a little bump n’ grind, it points to a troubled mind. Perhaps he can’t help himself; therefore, he has to go after what he wants. Could it be a result of what he too went through earlier on in life, or did success get into his mind?
No matter which way you look at it, having unlawful sex is wrong in many ways. On the emotional level, you are getting entangled with someone you have no intention of keeping in your life. It’s more like a passing chance for you to have fun, and it is wrong to imagine it does not affect the other person. Take, for instance, the underage girls with whom he slept. They must have undergone emotional turmoil later on. It was no conscientious act as they were too young to understand the implications of sleeping with him.
Even for the older women, it would be wrong to assume there were no consequences for them. Sexual involvement comes with a price, no matter the age of those involved. God designed sex for the marriage bed, where the two involved enjoy physical intimacy as God created it. Sex is meant as a way of binding two people together for closer fellowship. https://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/marriage/staying-married/gods-plan-for-marriage/gods-purposes-for-marriage/
Throughout history, there have been instances of abuse of this very plan. Sex is no fluttering fun for people with no intention of bonding further. The fact that people go against the original purpose of it means there are many consequences to be faced. It’s not possible to get involved this way and emerge free of any ties. No matter how well-meaning a person may be, only seeking after a little fun, there will likely be problems after that as sex is meant to be more than that. It means you are going against the original plan of God regarding sex in such a flirtatious manner.
Unlawful sex does hurt, contrary to what R Kelly says in the song. There is too much involvement between the said people, even if it takes place only for a moment. It’s why one should avoid it like the plague since it comes with dire consequences in the end. You cannot sleep around and hope to get off scot-free; there are always consequences to the act. In this case, R Kelly should have known he would hurt the women with whom he slept. Even hurt himself in the process. Sex means something different to a woman, as it is a way of building intimacy with a man. Expecting one to take it as a fleeting moment of passion and nothing more is asking too much for a man. Above all, it is clear that God, who created it, did not mean it for fleeting fun. He meant it for a long term relationship to be enjoyed on the marriage bed—anything besides that no doubt comes with consequences.
- Confessions
But there is something that I must confess (to you)
Confession is defined as intimate personal revelations presented to another.
It is part of the game which serves to convince the victim the action that’s about to take place is well thought out by the perpetrator. In the song, R Kelly appeals to the emotions of the victim with a confession. No doubt to make it easier to have them take the bait. It’s much easier if the victim is a vulnerable underage girl unaware of what she gets herself. Any woman is likely to fall for a confession of love, especially from a celebrity. Even to consider herself lucky to have caught the eye of a famous Musician like R Kelly. For him, he had to make several of them to convince different women to sleep with him. Most definitely, he lied to them in the guise of confessing his feelings.This is quite typical of onecaught up in sexual immorality.
Sexual immorality goes alongside lies from the one instigating it. It’s the way for him to convince victims to give in to him. Usually, he makes it seem as if the act is essential both to him and the victim. Notice this line in R Kelly’s song; I don’t see nothing wrong (I don’t see nothing wrong). In this case, he made it sound like he was really into the women he planned on sleeping. Like it was a harmless game they could easily forget.
Notice there are no promises of anything beyond sex. The song does not contain any plans or hopes of connection. It is merely about giving in to desire at the time. It sort of cheapens something that was intended to be more intimate, making it seem like something one would do with anyone. The fact that he has all kinds of women involved means it is pure gratification on his part. The Bible is clear on the subject, saying thus; Colossians 3:5 Put to death; therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
There’s rarely any truth told during such encounters. Even the so-called confessions are meant to further confuse the one on the receiving end. It’s intended to make the victim believe the doer has genuine feelings, which he thought well in advance.
“Those who become bound up in habitual sexual sin – even if it is no more than masturbation and/or pornography – are actually addicted to a complex chain of actions. It all begins with temptation, moves into a person’s particular routine, peaks in the actual act itself and ends with the lingering, inevitable consequences. Compelling the person through this entire sequence of events is a driving lust. Thus, he is not merely hooked on the act itself but on the whole unfolding drama.’’-Steve Gallagher in his book At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry
Confession is part of the deception stage. The person believes the lies he tells himself to justify what he’s about to do. The thing with temptation is that it looks good on the outside thus can be deceiving to the victim. All along, the person knows whatit will lead to and ignores any feelings of guilt he might have. Then pretends to push it off the mind and repeats the process the next time. With time there are no guilt feelings, and he begins to justify his actions. After all, there’s nothing wrong with a little bump n’ grind, right?
No oneought to deceive himself that being involved with sexual immorality is an innocent giving in totheir feelings. There’s more involved than the one who instigates the act as one does not commit it alone.Little thought is given about the feelings of the one on the receiving end. What are their opinions about the encounter, and how does it affect them after that? Might they have different expectations, perhaps? How about those that agree to play along and in the process get emotionally scarred, then what? Such are the questions such a person ought to ask himself beforehand. Perhaps if someone like R Kelly had the time to consider this, he might have stopped himself in time. Or sought help from God through a spiritual leader.
It’s wrong to lie to a person to take advantage of them. It’s a lie from Satan that you can get away with sexual sin. “Satan knows what your flesh wants. He chooses the bait that you find attractive.” –PureLifeMin https://ctt.ec/dmbFr+ The only power strong enough to help one to get over this is the power of God. He alone understands the frailness of the human body and offers help to overcome. One only needs to ask God to intervene. Through God’s power, one can win over the lures of sexual immorality and instead choose to live right. Nowhere in the song does R Kelly own up to his shortcomings but instead considers everything as usual.
- Blinded bydesire
I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind
One has no control over himself when he is involved in sexual immorality. He is so keen on getting what he wants that all reason goes out of the window. So intent is he on getting it fulfilled; he does not even stop considering the consequences of his actions.Also, when they threaten his peace of mind. This is the world of sexual immorality, where emotions rule the mind of the one involved.
Sexual desire is quite a strong drive. It has felled giants to their knees after finding themselves unable to resist the lure of the flesh. If not put under control, its capable of ruining everything a person has built-in life. Let’s face it; sexual temptation is a leading cause of broken relationships and homes. It exposes the victim to manipulation from the devil, making him vulnerable to all kinds of attacks. Yet God has given each one of us the liberty to choose whether to bow to pleasures of the body or his Will. His Will is for sexual relations to take placewithin the boundaries of marriage.
The best decision one can make when tempted is simply flee from the scene. There’s an example of a man who fled sexual immorality in the Bible. His name is Joseph, and he was in charge of Potiphar’s house in Egypt. It was there that Potiphar’s wife noticed him and invited him to sleep with her. But Joseph refused despite several attempts to get him to sleep with her. What saved Joseph is he fled from the scene.
It is a measure of strength for one to run from something as enticing as sexual temptation. Camouflaged in the promise of so much excitement, nothing could be more tantalizing than this. Especially to the person who enjoys a large fan base from where he can gain attention.The best decision would be to take off and run from the scene. Simply get away from the setting and run without looking back. It could save you from much, perhaps even death itself. But this does not happen with everyone as some choose to stay.
You might be struggling with sexual sin, but remember you are not alone. It happened to David in the Bible too. His is a typical example of what happens with most people today. Instead of taking off from the scene, David chose to stay. Here’s his story, as written in the Bible.”But David remained in Jerusalem. One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof, he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, “She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite. Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her” (2 Samuel 11:1-4).
Yet God forgave his sin. You, too, can enjoy the forgiveness of the Father if you go back to him.
These are separate scenes of men who took different turns when faced with temptation. One took in the situation and decided to flee while the other stayed. Much like happens these days, whereby instead of seeing sexual attraction for what it is, a wrongful act before man and God one entertains it instead. Those images you like watching on a website or certain movies you enjoy watching are fanning sexual immorality in you. Without thinking, you partake of them regarding them as innocent fun. However, after some time, your body is taken over by the spirit of lust, completely spiraling out of control. With time you find yourself unable to get yourself out of the web of sin surrounding you.
Anything that nurtures an emotional relationship with someone other than your spouse is going in the wrong direction. Sooner or later, you’ll find yourself felled down by the monster known as sexual immorality. The only solution is to fix your eyes on Jesus and run to him when temptation beckons. It doesn’t always start as raging emotions but can build up with time.
It’s surprising how little thought gets given to an act that can completely change a person’s life. A thing that ought to be well thought out instead of jumping into usually happens with little or no consideration of the effect. It’s a lie from the devil to belittle the act that can bring down even the greatest men and women. If only one took some time to think over the thing they are about to take part in, we would see fewer cases of sexual immorality. This is especially so among celebrities today, who seem to have lost reign of control where sex is involved. We see it in the news, men who hold powerful positions brought to their knees by a single regrettable action of sexual immorality. Just as is the case with R Kelly, who now risks the loss of career from allegations of the same.
It’s worthy of taking note of the destructive nature of sexual immorality. Even though seemingly innocent on the outside, it can ruin the most carefully built empire. No wonder the Bible refers to it as the only sin one commits against himself due to its ability todestroy.There are consequences to be faced by anyone who gives in to temptation. Some of them take place immediately, while others might take a little longer. Yet one thing is sure, and that is one cannot escape Scott free after engaging in it. One is left to wonder if the sexual temptation is so dangerous, why do people keep falling in its trap? Indeed, a question we all wish the singer would answer..
Perhaps we should learn from the word of God the importance ofdepending ona higher power to defeat bodily desires. This is the only sure way to steer clear of temptation throughout life. God will help one to overcome the habit and also offer strength to sustain the resolve. Also, provide wisdom to be able to discern right from wrong.
In most cases, when one falls into the habit of sin, it can seem almost natural. What should prick the conscience becomes the usual, and there may no longer be feelings of guilt attached to it. That’s why those caught up in it attempt to rationalize the act, seeing nothing wrong with it. After all, it brings with it so much pleasure, how can it be wrong? Perhaps that’s the reason R Kelly regards it as only a little bump n’ grind. He’s so used to fulfilling his sexual appetites he does not see anything wrong with it. He even goes ahead to try and convince the victim it is good for them too.
- Manipulation
See, I know just what you want, and I know just what you need, girl.
It’s just like in the movies; a man professes to know what a woman wants. Quite a useful trick to get her to go along with his suggestion even though she hesitates at first. The fact that he desires sex has him doing all that he can to convince her its what she also wants.
It could either be an assumption of the man that she will naturally flow with the thing that he wants. Not only that, but he goes ahead to convince the woman that its what she needs. Kind of gives her the impression his suggestionis something she can’t do without. This kind of manipulative behavior is common in sex liaisons, especially when the victim is younger than the perpetrator. He could try to coax her to comply with his demands or simply sugarcoat his words so she can fall for it. Either way, it comes down to false assumptions that the victim also wants to get involved.
When someone is manipulated into sexual activity – be it intercourse or other forms of physical contact such as kissing or genital touching – he or she is experiencing sexual coercion. Coercion is a form of pressure that can take place on the emotional and psychological level, and sometimes it can involve physical force. Psychological and emotional coercion is meant to convince a person to change his or her “no” or “maybe” into a “yes” through the use of mind games. While the use of physical force is easy to recognize, psychological and emotional coercion are much more subtle, making them harder to identify and react to in a way that upholds your values. http://www.goodchoicesgoodlife.org/choices-for-young-people/articles-158919/
There are tactics used to pressure one into sexual liaisons. In this case, R Kelly uses emotional appeal on his victims to coerce them into sex. Manipulating someone so they agree to have sex with you is wrong. No one has a right to your body, no matter how they feel. It doesn’t matter what they might have done for you in the past, as sex should not be used to pay back a favor. It’s particularly challenging for a victim who has self-esteem issues as well. It makes it easier for them to fall into the trap of believing the one asking for sex knows what’s right for them. In a way, the perpetrator takes advantage of the emotional void of the victim pretending to fill it.
I found a good description of sexual manipulation; https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hope-relationships/201505/how-identify-sexual-manipulator….sexual manipulator. People like this are sexually aggressive; usually, their objective is their sexual gratification. They have no concern for the best interests of the other person and tend to be driven by their fantasies and need for sexual control as they manipulate and take advantage of a fearful or confused partner. Power, prestige, and sexual prowess are their weapons. Their victims are many.
The most amoral sexual predators do not concern themselves with legality. To be sexually sated, they will rape or molest their object of desire. The number of violent sexual predators is thankfully low. But there are a greater number of sexual manipulators, who stop short of bodily coercion. Instead of physical force, they use wit, charm, and verbal adeptness to manipulate intended victims. They choose targets carefully, sure of their ability to control events and manipulate those individuals to get what they desire.
The thing about manipulation is that it usually involves a person with a higher standing in society, with the victim being of lower rank. For instance, R Kelly had sex with younger girls. That gives him an upper hand with them, making it possible to get them to do what he wants. Even with the older women, he used his celebrity status to lure them into sex. All of these being tools of manipulation on his part. In each case, he used what he had going for him to make somehow women fall for the trap. In some cases, there was the use of force on his part.
Let’s face it; no one knows what another person wants. No one can say for sure they understand what another person needs. The claim of knowing this about a person signals manipulative behavior. It might also be a way to make the victim bring down their guard to convince them to join in the act easily. A person who claims to understand your needs is usually one who cares about you. It then becomes easy for them to believe what you say, mistaking it as caring on your part. How deceptive!
Its quite clear that R Kelly has all the right words for his victims. He appears to regard himself as irresistible, that no woman can resist him. The fact that he sees nothing wrong with going on with the act ought to send an alarm in the minds of the women he pursues. Unfortunately, most of them are unable to escape the lure and easily get drawn in. He has undoubtedly mastered the art of seduction over time and knows just what to say to them. It doesn’t matter the number of lives ruined in the process; all that matters to him is to have his way with the victims. In a real sense, all that he cares about is getting his desires fulfilled without any thought of what happens after that. This is a simple case of manipulation with the aim of the sexual exploitation of the victims. In this case, the victim’s feelings do not matter even though he makes it sound like they do. R Kelly is no doubt a manipulator, playing with the minds of his victims with words. He seems to have the words even though he does not mean any of them.
- Enticement
I’m not fooling around with you
What every woman needs to hear. Yet said the way it is in this song couldn’t be further than the truth. He’s doing exactly what he claims not to do, which is fooling around with different women. Such a lie disguised as truth.
The motive is to entice the woman to believe he is true to himself and not take advantage of her. He sure has the right message to get any woman thinking it’s the truth. But in the real sense, he is telling a lie. Not uncommon for this to happen where sexual immorality is involved. People purport to be who they are not to get the victim to agree to their demands. It’s part of blatant lies that serve to further the intention of the perpetrator. This is what he probably used on underage girls to rope them in.
Here’s what the law of the state of Alabama has to say; Ala. Code 1975, § 13A-6-69 Enticing A person commits the crime of enticing a child for immoral purposes if, with lascivious intent to entice, allure, persuade or invite, or attempt to entice, allure, persuade or invite, any child under 16 years of age to enter any vehicle, room, house, office, or other place for the purpose of proposing to such child the performance of an act of sexual intercourse or an act which constitutes the offense of sodomy or for the purpose of proposing the fondling or feeling of the sexual or genital parts of such child or the breast of such child, or for the purpose of committing an aggravated assault on such child, or for the purpose of proposing that such child fondle or feel the sexual or genital parts of such person.https://judicial.alabama.gov/docs/library/docs/13A-6-69.pdf
What are the reasons he finds it necessary to use half-truths with the women? A good reason could be he’s aware what he’s doing is wrong but wants to give the impression it is not. It’s insulting to the victims since his motive is to use and dump them. Perhaps he does not stand a chance of getting through to them if he does not entice them. It is, however, wrong what he does no matter which way you look at it.
Sexual immorality is fooling around. There’s no commitment between the two, with only feelings to go by. In most cases, it is one person taking advantage of the other. Even when both partners are consenting, one of them has probably been coerced to give in. Being a celebrity must have been easy to convince his victims they were getting a real deal. I mean, any woman likes to be associated with a famous person, right? It’s not clear why he went after them, perhaps out of habit, or he was simply obsessed with sleeping around. Nevertheless, it has become clear that he used lies to achieve his goal.
As earlier said, only God rid someone of this habit. He is capable of getting one out of the vice if they are subject to his Will. All of us get tempted in different ways, but God is gracious and will make a way out of temptation. The most important thing is the realization we cannot do it on our own, thus require his help. Our lives make us slaves to sin and do not bring glory to God. But if we let go of sin, trusting him to deliver us from evil, we can enjoy new fellowship with him. He stands at the door of your heart, waiting for you to invite him in. If you ask him, he will rid you of sexual immorality and help you sustain your new life with the help of the Holy Spirit.
There is no need to feel guilty of the sin of sexual immorality as anyone can fall into it. Even the strongest man is wont to fall into temptation, were it not for the Grace of God. It takes a broken heart for one to realize he needs God to get him through. Without this realization, one can go through his entire life bound by chains of immorality. Also, have to bear consequences that would otherwise be avoided. Such as the ones R Kelly faces being incarceration for some time now.
Perhaps if people understood actions have consequences, it would make a world of difference in the way they react to temptation. The fact that the word of God calls it a sin, and the law also recognizes it should get anyone with the intention to think twice about it. The law is quite stern regarding sexual abuse. No matter who’s involved, it would be folly not to expect to face up to one’s actions. The sad thing in the singer’s case is that he does not admit to the charges up to now. It makes it more difficult for him to realize he needs the help of God. How can God help one who does not admit his sin, let alone asks for his help?
He fooled around with women even though he said otherwise. Now it has caught up with him and its time to pay for his actions. But if only he would turn to God and ask him for help. God can change him and make him a new person. One who does not need to lie to get what he wants. Until he comes to that realization, he will continue to be bound by chains of immorality, even behind bars. All the while fighting to prove his innocence while knowing only too well all that he has done. He will not be able to enjoy freedom until he is set free. John 8:36 says, So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
- False love
Baby my love is true
There was never a lie so sweet as that of an immoral person. It comes coated with honey making the victim think they matter to the person. There’s no shortage of words to make the victim think they are specially making it easy to fall into the trap. Falsehoods are part of what makes sexual immorality, and it’s hard to separate the two. Most of the time, the predator has to speak untruths to achieve his purpose. Lies are entrenched in immorality, from small lies to the big ones. When one is keen on doing the wrong thing, they hide the truth under layers of lies. Lust comes dressed in justification, and the liar keeps hoping they do not get detected.
Some of the everyday things one says to justify the act are: Am too far gone already, God doesn’t care anyway. It’s not so bad, after all. Having come this far, I might as well keep going on with it. It’s only a small sin. I am different; my desires are much stronger than other people. This is the last time I do this. The excuses go on and on never-ending.
Simply put, the battle of sexual immorality consists of lies the enemy has told us about ourselves. At times, the lies are born out of unfortunate life experiences that have wounded the soul emotionally. Like in the case of R Kelly, who was sexually abused at a young age.
An understanding of emotional wounds may be helpful at this stage. In R Kelly’s case, he went through painful experiences of high intensity in his early years. He’s yet to heal from the wounds, and only Jesus can give healing to him. It helps to take an honest look at yourself. For instance, what beliefs do you hold in your heart? How do you react to challenges and stress, and does it have anything to do with what you believe? Are you plagued by feelings of failure and unable to take on the challenges of life? What’s your reaction when someone does not agree with you or even hear you out? Do you feel you are not good enough or you are worthless?
Times of stress often triggers the wounds, and engaging in sexual immorality might seem like an excellent escape. It’s essential, therefore, for one to identify his emotional scars to find healing. The beliefs that you carry in your heart of hearts regarding yourself should be well known to you if you have to start the process of fighting lies. Once you uncover the lies about yourself, you can then find the truth to allow transformation to take place. 2 Corinthians 3:18 And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
It’s been said that when you sleep with someone, you sleep with all the people he’s slept with before. There’s a part of your soul you give away during sex that never returns to you. People who have had different sexual partners have and empty place in their hearts. They move from one person to another in search of something to fill this emptiness. How then can one confess love to a person when he shared his soul with many other sex partners? The capacity of sex to hurt a person not just emotionally but mentally and physically is incredible. “If we persist in sexual sin with the thought that one day we will get right with God, we should remind ourselves that God may still be there to forgive and restore, …but we may not be.” You cannot compensate by sacrifice what you lose through disobedience. (Ed Cole)
God did not intend sex to be a casual thing but a fulfilling relationship for the couple. Sexual immorality takes away the joy of committed love while exposing one too many hurts. You get hurt emotionally since there’s nothing to it but physical pleasure. You might also catch an illness from the other person. But above all is that you sin against God, which attracts eternal death. The only way out of it is to repent and stop pursuing immorality. Your mind should be conformed to God as the center stage of the reform. Jesus died on the cross to conquer sin and shame. Such as comes out of engaging in sexual immorality with a guise of giving love to other people.
No amount of enticement can serve to justify a morally wrong action. Even the use of sweet nothings to win over that person you want to take to bed does not make it right. If anything, you only pass for a liar to your self and the other person. You tell yourself it’s okay to give in to your sexual drive; after all, God created a natural thing. It’s fine to lure in the other person even if you have to lie and use all manner of words. But deep inside, you know that what you seek is more than the pleasure sex offers. You have a big space in your soul that only God can fill. However, you choose to ignore the fact instead of chasing after sexual satisfaction in full force. Woe unto you as the sin you commit will undoubtedly come back to bite you sooner or later. Worse still, you will have to face God’s wrath for going against his commandments about physical intimacy.
If only you would submit yourself to the author of life and give yourself to him. He will transform your life, give you a new lease in life. No longer will you have to lie to get people in your bed of sin. God will fill your heart with a desire to do right, especially in matters concerning your body. You will find true love in the savior and will not thirst for it anywhere else.
- The Art of Seduction
With you is where I want to be
Would you buy this lie from a man with a history of sexual immorality? It sounds entirely fake coming from a man who can have any woman he wants. A celebrity like R Kelly must use those words all the time. Each time with a different woman. So, why the deception in the first place?
For starters, there’s a different meaning to this statement. It is meant to convince the person hearing it they are desirable to him. While we all know that it’s her body, he wants. His choice of words points to a man who has learned to use words conveniently for his purpose. He has no doubt mastered the art of seduction. The way a person speaks can make the one hearing it to do something. It’s for this reason speech is also known as the magic instrument.
“What will seduce a person is an effort we expend on their behalf, showing how much we care, how much they are worth.”
“Every seduction has two elements that you must analyze and understand: first, yourself and what is seductive about you; and second, your target and the actions that will penetrate their defenses and create surrender.”https://www.nateliason.com/notes/art-seduction-robert-greene He further says; Inflame people’s emotions with loaded phrases, flatter them, comfort their insecurities, envelop them in fantasies, sweet words, and promises, and not only will they listen to you, but they will also lose their Will to resist you.
This is a suitable description of what R Kelly does with his victims. Not just him but many other people who get caught up in sexual immorality. First is to prepare the victim through the use of words, so they cannot resist you. There’s no consideration for the victims’ feelings whatsoever, and the whole idea is to loop them in.
The power of words cannot be underrated in any situation where a person has a goal to achieve. We see it in marketing stints whereby products are introduced with such flowery language to be able to catch the eye of the intended market. These marketers know that if they somehow manage to create interest, they will attain their motive. In much the same way, a sexual predator uses words to get the intended person interested. There is no moral consideration of how the victim feels like it’s all about attaining the expected result.
Being with someone is an emotional investment that takes time. It’s about taking the time to know each other well. If you want to know someone, you must be ready to make time for them and be genuinely interested in knowing details about them. A thing I doubt R Kelly did with the women he slept with. Therefore, it turns out to be a lie when he says that he wants to be with the person. While not interested in knowing anything about them but to take them to bed. It’s the reason sexual immorality is a selfish deed that does not satisfy both parties. In the absence of commitment to take all the steps of knowing someone, it then becomes impossible to be with another, the way one should be.
Here’s something worth thinking over. https://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/relationship-help.htmEvery relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. Part of what defines a healthy relationship is sharing a common goal for precisely what you want the relationship to be and where you want it to go. And that’s something you’ll only know by talking profoundly and honestly with your partner. However, there are also some characteristics that most healthy relationships have in common. Understanding these basic principles can help keep your relationship meaningful, fulfilling, and exciting whatever goals you’re working towards or challenges you’re facing together.
Flowery language does not count if you want to be with someone. Instead, you should be quite open with each other, genuinely spend quality time together to enhance the relationship. Only after that can you claim to want to be with another having laid the foundation of a fruitful liaison.
The word of God is clear about sexual intimacy and has the rules of how it should take place. These rules are to avoid all forms of sexual immorality that might occur. He has very clear guidance on the best way to experience intimacy and love through sex in his word.God created sex as a way for husband and wife to bond emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
1 Corinthians 6:13-20
Let this be the guideline when you seek to be sexually involved with another person. God has the roadmap to what provides happiness in the encounter. In case you’ve already fallen into the trap, you can seek God to help you start anew. He is faithful to forgive all our past sins and offer us a fresh start again.
- False promises
Girl, you need someone like me to satisfy your every need
Only God can satisfy the heart of a person. Physical intimacy does not fulfill all the needs of a person, unlike what R Kelly states in his song. Understand that different needs should be met when you have sexual intimacy, and a casual fling does not guarantee that. A fruitful encounter should be fulfilling not just physically but in other ways too. In this case, what he promises is way beyond what he can offer, considering he’s only after a casual fling.
Many people are in search of love and often fall into the wrong hands while at it. At times physical intimacy is confused with love, and yet the two are quite different. Love is a basic human need; therefore, anyone promising the same can easily be mistaken for taking care of our needs. It’s why many people find themselves trapped in ungodly relationships after they fall into the trap of sexual immorality in search of love.
The human soul has a longing for God that only he will satisfy.God is the source of all that we need, and at times we get fooled into believing that mere man can fill the role. God will give you the desires of your heart as long as you invite him into your heart. The Bible says clearly in Philippians 4:19, And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Believe it and allow God to take over all your needs with a view to giving you what you need.
While it is human to seek someone to satisfy our needs, we need to tap into the right source. Since one person cannot meet all the needs of another, it’swise not to fall into false promises. Even in a marriage, a partner cannot hope to meet all the other needs, as it may not be possible. Thus the need to involve God in the union will ensure all your needs are met as only he can. Recognize as a lie, therefore any promise that a person can play the role. For this matter, anyone who promises ought not to be taken seriously. The best thing would be to disregard such empty promises and seek God instead.
Do you know that God has the right person for you? One who will fulfill your physical needs in the right setting as God intended? He knows what you need and will connect you to the person capable of giving it to you. Not only that, but he is also there to take care of the needs your partner is unable to fulfill to you. Man is unlike God and can only do so much. On the other hand, God can do all that you want him to do. How wonderful to seek the one who has all that we need and is ready to give it to us if we ask him.
For anyone who might be trapped in sexual immorality, God has given the assurance of deliverance if you ask him. He sent his son Jesus Christ to die on the cross so that he can be free from sin. The blood that he shed on the cross at Calvary is sufficient to wash away all your sins. Including those that seem like they are too big for him to forgive. The Bible is full of stories of people who received God’s mercy for their sins. Even those of sexual nature happened with the woman in John 8: 1-11 But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Early in the morning, he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst, they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?”
When our desires threaten to overwhelm us, we need to look no further than Christ’s cross. The sacrifice Jesus made was meant to give us freedom from sin—both in eternity and today. Selfish desires do not need to control us! Delighting in God changes us, refining our desires until they reflect God’s intentions.https://www.projectinspired.com/can-god-really-satisfy-all-my-needs/
Quit believing lies from people who only want to use you for sexual pleasure. None but God can provide all that you need. You only need to ask him, and he will do it for you. He will give you the right person to take care of your physical needs and any other one he can. Then God will take care of the rest, leaving you well covered in all your needs. What satisfaction for us to know that God will do that for us. The only thing he asks is for us to trust him with our needs. Instead of attempting to do it the way we need to involve God in our lives. Only then will we enjoy the fullness of his faithfulness in meeting all our needs.
Like all those who have fallen into sexual immorality, R Kelly can come to the forgiveness of God if they submit themselves to him. No longer will he have lie to get his needs fulfilled. God can fill the void that drives him to all the sexual encounters so that he no longer falls into the trap. He will do the same for anyone else who requires his loving grace. He’s a loving God and offers new life to those who ask. hBut first is to confess your sins so you can be in right standing with the Father. His arms are open for you, waiting for you to make a move. It doesn’t matter what your past looks like he will wipe it away and make your heart white as snow.