College Entry Essay
I was thirteen years old when my grandfather passed on after a long period of battling cancer. I learned how long he had been sick only three days to his final breath, and I couldn’t help but feel guilt. While Staring at him during the last minute, I could feel the pain his body had to endure for so long. It intensified the voices in my head, telling me I had failed him. My grandfather was always on the frontline of restoring my esteem each time I encountered difficulties that made me doubt my self-worth. For that reason, he was a significant figure in my life, or that is what I thought until I discovered I was so ignorant even to notice his illness. My guilt was about how I failed to spend quality time with my grandfather during his last and painful days. Also, I regretted the time I spend hanging out with friends who didn’t want me as much as he did. I beat myself up for not having enough knowledge to notice someone who is suffering and needs help.
My parents explained that they couldn’t tell me because they wanted to protect from the complex concepts of diseases and death. Listening to their justification, I wondered how they could now protect me from the inevitable end of my grandparent dying that I was trying to comprehend. As much as I wanted to blame them for making such a decision I couldn’t. I told myself I was already old enough, and I was supposed to have already an academic perfection that could see through my parents deceive. I was resentful and decided to devote myself to my education to avoid being blinded the same way in the future.
I assumed that knowledge was the only solution to ignorance. In school, I memorized every bit about cancer; I did my research on symptoms of all types of cancer. Spent time on books, and browsed on a hundred of online sources trying to understand every fact. Everything I did was all about honoring my grandfather and redeeming me from the guilt of not being the ideal grandchild. My schools’ grades had become so important to me for only this one reason, and my life became all about education. One day I skipped school to stay at home to complete research I was obsessing on. My mother was not aware that I was still in my room when she and my sister started a heated up argument. My sister was explaining to her that I needed to help watch my little brother as my mother went to her night shift job. She was taking up two shifts for two weeks now. All that time, my sister had to suspend any of her night activities and watch my little brother.
The incident made me learn how I had been neglecting and being ignorant again. I had soaked myself into resolving one part of my help that I forgot life needs one to look at it from a different perspective. I’m hoping college grants me the opportunity to be open-minded, and I get to learn how to let go of what I can’t resolve. Focus more on being attentive of what is around me at every moment.