How losing a parent at a young age affects a child
Losing a loved one affects different people in different ways. However, one common thing is that coping with the death of a close friend or a family member is a hard challenge for many people. Children feel the loss of a loved one strongly because they understand death differently from adults. Also, children experience a powerful and difficult feeling when grieving a dead parent. The way a bereaved child grieves a deceased parent may have a long-term effect on them. Therefore, it is crucial not only to understand how children grieve but also how it affects them and also how to help a child grieve a dead parent.
It is essential to explain to a child what death means. According to David, it is vital to help a child understand the meaning of death (3). For a child to come to terms with death, he or she must understand what death means. One should explain to a child that death is irreversible. Once a child understands that their parent is dead, he or she should be made to realize that the deceased parent will never come back. Children who do not understand fully that death is irreversible think of it as a temporal separation and as such, they do not grieve or mourn. Mourning is a painful but essential process, and if a child does not mourn the death of a parent, they may never come to terms with the loss.
Once a child comes to terms with the meaning of death, they are affected differently by the loss. Just like adults grieve differently, children too have different ways of mourning a dead parent. Some children become withdrawn from the rest of society. This trait is common in teenagers. Some children do not want the memory of the deceased parent to vanish, and as a result, they keep to themselves to avoid distraction from the rest of the world. Also, some children become violent and rebellious. This behaviour is also in teenagers who wish to distract themselves from the pain by engaging in reckless and risky conduct. Small children are often curious. They want to know where the dead parent is and what they will be doing to prevent them from coming back. It is essential to pay attention to a bereaved child to observe how they express their grief.
Young children can grieve deeply, even though they may not appear to be doing so (David16 ). Many people dismiss young children thinking that they are too young to understand death and therefore they do not grieve. Even toddlers grieve cry they notice that the familiar face they are used to is not around. Although a four-year-old might continue to play after receiving the news of a dead parent, it does not mean that the death had no impact on the child. Therefore, young children understand loss, although not in the same capacity as adults, and it is crucial to help them grieve.
Young children can endure strong emotions for only brief periods (Ellis). To relieve themselves of the pain of loss, many young children either avoid their feeling or use an alternative approach to deal with them. For instance, a child may express angry outbursts and misbehaviour rather than sadness. Some children draw their focus to particular activities such as playing to avoid the fright that comes with the loss of a loved one. In as much as the coping mechanics may not get recognized as grief-related, it is essential to understand that they are also mourning and they should be comforted just like the adults.
Teenagers are affected by the death of a parent differently from young children. Teenagers are affected by the disruption and discontinuity that comes with the loss of a parent (Ellis). Unlike teenagers, young children are more acceptant of the replacement that comes to their life soon after the death of a parent. Teenagers, on the other hand, are more accustomed to their parent and family life that accepting replacement is hard for them. For instance, a teenager who loses both parents cannot live alone since the law requires a person under the age of 18 to live with an adult. Therefore, such teenagers have to either live with their legal guardians or taken to foster homes. Continuity is vital to a teenager since it gives them a sense of stability and normality. Adding disruption and discontinuity to grief increases psychological stress to a grieving teenager. Most people cope with pain by interacting with familiar people and surroundings. Separating teenagers from their loved ones makes grieving a traumatic experience since they cannot seek the comfort of friends.
When a child does not heal from grief in the right way, they may experience adverse long-term effects. Loss can be overcome by shock and confusion, leading to prolonged periods of sadness or depression (American Psychological Association). When a child portrays non-grieving behaviour, many adults dismiss the child and assume that the child is coping well with the loss of a parent. However, such non-grieving action may be a way of shutting down the pain they are experiencing. It is not possible to overcome grief without first accepting one’s feelings. The feelings might be sadness, anger, confusion, guilt or even exhaustion. When a child does not express their feelings accordingly, they experience long-term effects later on. In line with Osterweis, individuals who lose a parent or sibling in childhood have been considered to be most at risk for subsequent depressive disorders. The bereaved children get depressive disorders because they lack a chance to heal from grief. Therefore, it is crucial to ensure that children heal from the pain of losing a parent to eliminate the risk of any depressive disorder.
There are several ways in which one can help a bereaved child overcome grief. The American Psychological Association recommends one to talk with the child about the death of the parent. The more the child opens up, the more they understand and express their feelings openly. Also, one should help the child preserver and create the memories of a loved one. Preserving memories helps the child to feel that the world has not forgotten their deceased parent. Besides, when a child gets overwhelmed by their emotions, he or she should see a psychologist. Psychologists help people handle the feelings that come with the loss of a loved one.
In conclusion, children also experience the pain of losing a parent. It is common for children to get dismissed when they portray non-grieving behaviour upon the loss of a parent. However, the overwhelming emotions hinder children from healing the right way. Adults should help children deal with the loss of a parent to avoid any short-term or long-term effect on the child.
Works Cited
American Psychological Association. American Psychological Association. March 2011. 3 May 2019 https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/grief
David J. Schonfield and Marcia Quackenbush. After a loved one dies- how children grieve . New York: New York Life Foundation, 2009.
Ellis, Jackie, Chris Dowrick, and Mari Lloyd-Williams. “The long-term impact of early parental death: lessons from a narrative study.” Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine 106.2 (2013): 57-67.
Osterweis, Marian, Fredric Solomon, and Morris Green. “Bereavement during childhood and adolescence.” Bereavement: Reactions, consequences, and care. National Academies Press (US), 1984.