Insecure Attachment
The one concept that I greatly related to is the concept of insecure attachments. The author describes insecure attachment as a relationship that is characterized by feelings of fear, indifference, anger, and anxiety (Berger, 2016, p. 140). Growing up, my mother was mostly absent. Sometimes her absence made me confident, and sometimes I wanted her to just be present and not leave me alone. Whenever she was around, I always wanted her to hold me, and I would cry loudly if she tried to put me down. According to Berger (2016), children with insecure attachment cling to their caregivers, and they tend to cry when they are put down (p. 140). I also developed a fearful attachment of my mother when growing up because whenever I did wrong, she would beat me, and I always felt as if she did not love me that much. I think that because of these reasons, I was insecurely attached to my parents, something that affects a number of aspects of my life, even today.
Because of the insecure relationships I had in childhood, most of my relationships end quickly (1). I am the kind of person who is quick to develop a relationship with someone but also too quick to terminate the friendship because of insecurity issues. This is really a major problem in my life because I quickly connect with people even emotionally, and I get very hurt when I am convinced that the people I trust so much in my life have betrayed me. Another way in which I think insecure attachment affects me is that I can be too clingy (2). I think because I always felt that my mother did not love me as a child, I grew up with a desperate need to be loved. And whenever I find someone I believe loves me, I cling to them.
Insecurity in relationships also makes me to over-identify with strangers (3). According to Berger (2016), children who are quick to identify with strangers may not have formed secure attachments with their parents or caregivers (p. 142). This is very true in my case because I find that I quickly bond with anybody who gives me the slightest attention (be it a caring gesture, a smile, or help in any form). When this happens, I tend to believe that strangers share the same feelings as mine. Additionally, because of the emotional neediness, I find that I go into great lengths to get closer to people I perceive to be positive or influential, in the hope that they will also get attracted to me (4), and I am always seeking individuals that I can emulate or mimic (5). Because of poor attachments at childhood, I grew up to be an emotionally hungry and needy person.
The information in the course has been very beneficial in so many ways. First, I now understand that all children need attention and love. Without the love and support of adults or their parents, children become emotionally troubled, adrift, and disorganized (Berger, 2016, p. 145). As such, I will try to be emotionally supportive to my children so that they do not end up being like me. Initially, I never imagined that my emotional hunger was as a result of my childhood experiences. Now that I have this information, I will try to seek ways to remedy my situation. With therapy and through persistence, I believe I will be able to develop or form healthy relationships.
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