Is the Family unit responsible for Domestic Violence?
I felt very pushed to write on this topic because of the recently increased case of domestic violence during this Chines pandemic. My stance, however, may look controversial a such, I call for close reverence and keen introspection of every word, phrase, and even clauses used herein. I have to categorically state in plain English that since my umbilical code was cut and consequently buried, I have never engaged in any form of unjust violence. Any, if at all, I have participated in any, it is peaceful violence for justice and rights, which I believe any sane being must bring by any means necessary.
Growing from an African context provides a different storyline all together to the understanding of both genders. Many of my African audiences will agree with me that the perception of each gender in every sub-ethnic tribe in Africa, from the Maghreb region of North Africa to Kwa-Zulu Natal in South Africa, is embedded on the patriarchal system. In this system (Patriarchy) which I believe unknowingly or otherwise set a strong precedent upon which other socio-political theories were birthed. Among such a method is the social contract by Thomas Hobbes (1588-1669), which opines the need for sovereignty, which can bring social order and thereby provide a setting in which there is an organization of practices and activities. Can patriarchy be sovereign?
Within the Traditional African setting, men have always been associated with positivity that ideally exceeds those of the female gender. Growing up, every cultured child has a different perception of social relations and or association with the other gender. That is to say, when Nyatieng’ grows up in a small village in Suba, he sees from his immediate environment, how his father treats his mother, how the older brothers treat the young sisters and the converse is true. Therefore, growing up, the child is accustomed to behaving the same, though they might exhibit some differences depending on the individual personality, which also varies. Many will agree with me that a child learns from what they see and not what they hear and or told.
Now, concerning the case of Torrance Korir, who got burnt in Buruburu on the 29th of last month. I have only two perspectives. First, if the act was under self-defense against physical aggression of whatever form, then to me, I accept it. However, as it is, there was no form or close association with the same. Unless we have no regard for common sense, this should be open to all. Secondly, I disagree most sincerely with the atrocious act for very reasons that govern any conscious mind. If the rumors are to go by that the man was accused of infidelity, then the women must pay slowly for the act she committed. Like I stated earlier that the environment surrounding us contributes to the building of our perception and yet at the same time helps to our appreciation of issues of gender. The case of Torrance is a testimony itself.
Within the womenfolk, there are still women who won’t kill their spouses even if the man cheats 200 times. To many of them, they will always refer their all-time creed, “Mama never taught me that.” This is formed by their fetal recognition and profound understanding of the violence that pre-exists between the genders inherently. To them, they are taught and have learned that the best way in uncertain and right situations is often rationalism is not choreographed drama but rationalism. Sanctity of life is no exception.
Sadly, we have the most dangerous cohort within the womenfolk. This is the team our revolution will change and replace permanently by ANY MEANS NECESSARY with a new social order that expedites rationalism in almost all grounds. To this group of people, I will call them the hypnotized post-modern Nazi women. They are characterized by many filthy and ungrounded sentiments clobbered with wild instincts of rudimental Nazi or the Slave drivers in the 18th and 19th centuries. They say, “No man can joke with me,” and they yell again, “I’m the master of my own life and destiny” There is no point in justification of such possessions because they are inalienable to everyone. However, the sad bit exists in the sense that the invocation of such words often sets a pretext for the conduct of the actions above. I believe we are aware and cognizant of the fact that the brain is the conditioner of our behavioral tendencies. As B.F Skinner (1988) posits in his book Comments and Consequences, we tend to put into action our behaviors and old repeated thoughts sometimes knowingly or unknowingly by the extent of the projected practices. Therefore, one can be permitted to argue that the beginning of such construction often starts to give a different view of life, man and society, and therefore things like murder become nothing but a fulfillment of the right and dirty aforethought(s).
Putting this to an end, I must submit that even during the Cro-Magnon period, human beings have been engaged in different constant forms of violence for various and yet crucial reasons within human society. We cannot exclude marriage as an institution from the community as both exist in interdependent and interrelated forms and shapes and therefore influence one another. What makes the difference is how they are handled. This “mannerism” is not amorphous but rather is drowned from the way each and everyone got first and present interaction with each gender. Consequently, my stance would that anytime, anywhere, it’s better to walk out with dignity and head held high than to die silently like a dog to please the societal construction. Take it or leave it.
The writer is a Commissar at the MDF Kenya and Assistant Chief Editor at Superior Ltd Company, Kenya.