SUMMARIZE!
Jim Peterson’s book explains the simplest and easiest way to listen. Its method of dividing turns and even using a card with roles that the speaker and listener must use makes it look like a game (Petersen 2007, 51). In his discussion of how people communicate, he divides it into three parts: the first is the stomach, which is made up of feelings or emotions. [1]The second is a heart that, when functioning properly, focuses on the possibilities. The third is the head, which processes logical ideas and works (ibid., 11-12). Peterson uses these traits to show that when the stomach is full of excitement, it swells, and the heart arrives, causing the brain to release. The principle that Peterson calls “brain flat” (ibid., 25). When a person enters this state, he must express those feelings and return to the right state of mind.
Peterson begins by explaining to the reader the role that the speaker will play on stage. Whoever speaks first is the problem (ibid., 70). [2]That is a problem for that person, and it will solve it. You do this by achieving two goals: First, you must share your thoughts and feelings (ibid., 77 -80). All of this must be done without attacking, blaming, labeling, or judging. In other words, the problem is not the fault of the other person, and their feelings and emotions are not controlled by anyone else (ibid., 89-91).
Peterson then focuses on the most important role of this transformation, that of the listener and his role. The most important role they play is that they do not own the problem and have no responsibility to solve it (ibid., 75). Peterson argues that this is complicated by the appropriate behavior (ibid.). Peterson describes a variety of listening techniques in Chapter 18. Listening is a task that also has goals. The first is to give the speaker a safe place to share their feelings. Second, understand who is speaking. Third, the trick is to define the problem for the speaker (ibid., 92-101).
Peterson concludes the book by describing various listening situations that are said to be more specific than suicidal situations (ibid., 176). It also describes how the technique is applied to a group and is used sparingly by two other people in a conversation. Peterson relies on the idea of good listening and speaking skills to communicate well.
RESPOND!
My response to this book is that people who have weaknesses in conversations should read this book. The book is very insightful. The very insightful part is the “flat brain syndrome and the flat brain tango. In one way or another, each person has experienced this. I can say after reading the book, my confrontations with people such as friends have changed; I would make sure to always listen. Peterson states that the way a person reacts and thinks plays a significant role in determining the relationship between the person and the world around them.
REFLECT!
After reading this book, I have learned a lot of things. Basing on my experience of arguments, I always liked to win in any conversations. I remember sometime in high school; I learned the importance of the art of debating. I had a friend whom we could debate all the time. In some instances, we would agree on a particular topic, but each could take the opposite side to see who would come up with points successful. According to the author, he states that arguing is not always good for communication. [3]This issue of trying to win any conversation has led me to even trying to win conversations with my seniors, even my parents. In the quote, “In relationships, someone winning most often makes everyone a loser,” this made me think. I have learned that the goal should not make the other person feel inferior or I am winning in communication. I vividly remember one of the conversations in which it forced each of us to become “flat brained, and we entered a tango. We were able to fire hurtful things towards one another. It escalated very quickly. We had to take some time for each of us to calm down. I realized that during the conversation, I allowed my parent’s conversation to take effect on the way I judged things. My parent made a point, but I made him look like a junior to me; instead, I could have relaxed and logically interpreted everything. This is why I agreed with the author, Peterson, that I am the problem, and I also need to work on myself. I concluded that I do not always listen before responding, but I am quick to conclude as the superior. The book has been an eye-opener, and I would encourage anyone who wants to improve their communication skills.
Do
The most important thing after reading this book is the practical application that would be included in life. I am determined to listen more and talk less. I often get caught up in the idea that my thoughts are somehow more important than what I feel. Peterson said you must listen first and then speak (125). [4]After reading this book, I also realized that sometimes I could be a listener and just find a place to intervene and give my opinion, instead of listening to the person speaking (115-116). The combination of my personality that most people see is C/D competent and Dominant (7 DISC). My friends told me that I probably looked very proud which suited my personality. Some look for my knowledge, but I must find ways to teach it without being arrogant. Peterson gave me ways that can help me to become a better listener. I will use the skills described in Chapter 18 to improve my listening skills. I will put one or two ideas into practice and work to integrate them into my life and then pass them on to others. I hope one day, I will serve in the prison ministry because my training and listening skills will be useful.
One of the areas I need to include first is my ability to repeat exactly what someone else conveys and dominate more. I often repeat what others say with my touch. Peterson helped me understand that most people just need a soundboard to share feedback. Most people can figure out how to solve their problems. Another area I need to include is to be more direct with my words and thoughts. The concept of deciding what Peterson is talking about is what I need to work on. Too often, I do not know what I mean, and it does not make my mind clear. My friend is the most sensible person to help me in many of the areas I mentioned. He has an in-depth view of what is going on and can help me see when I am too harsh or indifferent and not clearing my mind.
Bibliography
Petersen, J. (2015). Why don’t we listen better? Communicating & connecting in relationships (2nd ed.). Portland, OR: Petersen Publications.
[1] Petersen, Dr. James C., 2007. Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Portland: Petersen Publications.
[2] Ibid.,25-100
[3] Petersen, Dr. James C., 2007. Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Portland: Petersen Publications.