The Difficult Conversation
Introduction
In life, there are some conversations that we would rather not have. These conversations are known as difficult conversations. In my life, I have a pending sensitive conversation to hold with a close friend. Lucy has been my friend since seventh grade, and this is because we had a lot in common while growing up. For example, we shared the same interests in television shows, music and social events. However, as we have grown older, life obligations and circumstances have seen us drift and we are no longer so close. In order to salvage our friendship, we decided to enter a business venture together. The idea was to have something that creates a common ground between us amidst all the chaos in our lives. So, we decided to try day trading since it requires a lot of involvement and this would ensure that the goal of saving our friendship is achieved.
Day trading refers to the speculative buying and selling of securities within the same trading day (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). For the venture, we each contributed $200 from our savings, and the idea was to start small as we learn the trade and expand our trading capacity. Ideally, this would be the beginning of an illustrious relationship as we had imagined all the profits that we could generate. However, within our first week of trading, we lost 80% of our trading capital. Determined to make our story a success, we reinvested $300 each from our personal finances. Maybe not as bad as the first time, we lost a massive 67% of the amount. Therefore, instead of strengthening our relationship, the day trading appears to be increasing the tension between us.
For starters, I think we lost the money because Lucy was quite unlucky with her trades but I believe she assumes I should take the blame because I rushed us into trading. The blame game between us cannot allow us to address the matter as no one is willing to bear responsibility. We are also both not in great moods considering our losses, and this makes the both of us susceptible to agitation. However, despite the situation, I have to notify Lucy that I believe it would be best for us to take individual paths towards day trading rather than participating together. The conversation is difficult because, even though I value our friendship, I do not wish to continue making financial losses.
Preparation
While preparing for the conversation with Lucy, there are important factors that I have to take into consideration. The first consideration is what is important to each party (Lambert, 2019). It is definite that finances matter to both of us. Neither of us is financially stable, and this means that we are both devastated by the losses. Personally, I am not willing to continue making more losses. Therefore, when talking with Lucy, this is the first thing that I wish to make clear. Of course, there are issues such as who is responsible for the losses and how the trading errors we made could have been avoided. However, discussing these issues is unnecessary since no matter who gets the blame or who is right or wrong, the fact remains that I will not be willing to invest any more money in day trading. Considering that Lucy also cares about her finances, I suppose we will agree on this front.
Besides money, the relationship also appears to be important for the both of us. The main reason we are in a mess is because we wanted to salvage our relationship. Evidently, we have both made considerable efforts to maintain the friendship. We have set aside some time from our busy schedule to engage in a financial activity, and we have both invested massively in the venture despite the risks being massive (Levine et al., 2020). Therefore, I will respect Lucy’s efforts towards conserving our friendship and as I go into the conversation, I hope we can arrive at a solution without damaging our ties. Perhaps an alternative means of constructively spending our time together could be on the table. For example, we could take individual paths towards day trading while working together behind the scenes to make each other excellent traders.
As matters stand right now, Lucy does not know what I think about the losses we have made and I do not know what she thinks. Initially, we had planned to be making additional monthly deposits of $100 to increase our trading capital as we progressed through the day trading experience. Given that the next payment is due in a week, I believe she may be having thoughts or intentions regarding our next move. Since neither of us is comfortable financially, she must be thinking whether it will be wise to invest more money into the venture. Of course, with thinking whether it is safe to invest, thoughts about what led to the losses must be present. She must have analyzed every possible mistake we have made, and as a result, I think she might have an argument concerning what caused the losses. There is a likelihood that she believes I am to blame and this is understandable since I have contemplated throwing the blame on her.
I believe that the blame game stems from our concealed feelings. It is obvious that we had some attachment to our money, and in the end, the attachment may challenge the strength of our relationship. Feelings also deserve special consideration because of the rocky nature of our relationship. Over the years, we have grown apart. We have different social circles, our interests and hobbies are changing, and because of all of this, maybe we are both just worried that we are no longer as important to each other as we used to be (Lambert, 2019). We are both not certain about the value we hold in each other’s lives, and I believe this worsens the situation.
The uncertainty creates a vulnerability that drives both of us into defensive states that makes the conversation more difficult (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). I guess we would both be disappointed to discover that we are undervalued in the relationship, and as a result either of us could easily chose to take the high road. Therefore, while preparing for the confrontation, I have to ensure that she understands that I value her as a friend. An affirmative demeanor will suit since the confidence may calm her nerves while allowing me to avoid being defensive.
Conducting the conversation
With everything in check, now comes the hard part – executing the plan. Evident from the preparation phase, the need to be right could have damaging impacts on what is important for both of us (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). We both value our relationship and our finances, both of which could be ruined by the desire to be right. Therefore, I plan to approach the conversation determined to preserve the relationship and our finances. Ahead of beginning the conversation, I understand that critical issues are best discusses under comfortable ambiance (Levine et al., 2020). I will select a relaxed location; probably a serene park or restaurant, and just after we are all comfortable and have had our fills, will I approach the matter.
After diverting focus onto the day trading catastrophe, I think it would be best to be direct as possible and hit the nail on the head. I will tell her that our investing expedition has been a total disaster, and instead of focusing on what has already happened, maybe we should think of salvaging what we are fortunate to have. By doing this, I will not only be presenting the issue to Lucy, but I will also be expressing what I desire. I desire to save our friendship as well as safeguard my finances. Therefore, these are the matters we should address instead of trying to go over what went wrong and who is to blame for the losses we made. These goals are realistic, and given that we were willing to invest our time and money at day trading, we could think of other alternatives that allow us to grow our relationship as well as ensure good use of our time.
In order for the conversation to go as smooth, I reckon that there are some considerations that I will have to make. I understand that since our feelings are involved, the conversation could prove to be difficult. There is a good possibility that what will be felt could be more than what will be said, and this is a powerful indicator of poor communication (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). Therefore, how do would I improve transparency? First and foremost, it will be important to take control of the conversation. Taking control means removing all kinds of distractors that may lead the conversation towards the wrong way (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). I picked a welcoming atmosphere for the conversation so what possible distractors could be present?
Verbal distractors have a high propensity of leading the conversation towards a downward spiral. This is especially true in our case since the idea is to deliver the bad news upfront before following it up with the desired goals. A bad sentence could lower the other persons mood considerably, and this allows for the situation to become more tense. There for adopting the famous “And Stance” could help save the day (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). Connecting phrases using the “And Stance” allows bad news sentences to be mixed with positive statements, and as a result, the other person is more likely to consider the information to be positive criticism (Johnston & Beckman, 2019).
For instance, I could use the following sentence. “Lucy, I understand we tried our best at day trading, and things did not work out, and we are still willing to give it a try, and this proves we are invested in saving our relationship.” The technique gives me control of the conversation since I am the one who is most prepared to hold it, and once I finish putting my heart out, Lucy will be better positioned to fully respond while not holding back her feelings as she will know my stand (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). Knowing that I no longer intend to continue investing, she may want to blame me for the loss, or the losses may have upset her enough to make her consider quit working on fixing the relationship. Whatever her response, I believe it will be more sincere if she clearly knows where I stand.
It is important that I clearly communicate my part because that is the part of the conversation that is within my control (Johnston & Beckman, 2019). I cannot direct how Lucy may react to the information. However, provided I do what is best in my part, I believe I will be giving her the best shot at doing what is best for us. Therefore, this means that I will be prepared for a reaction that is contrary to my expectations. If she is annoyed or does not wish to follow through with the said goals, I will try to understand her position. I genuinely intend to listen to what she has to say as a relationship is worth more than just the desires of one of the parties. Similar to how I expect her to respect my stand, I will respect hers.
References
Johnston, F., & Beckman, M. (2019). Navigating difficult conversations. Journal of Surgical Oncology, 120(1), 23-29. https://doi.org/10.1002/jso.25472
Lambert, K. (2019). Difficult conversations. Hemodialysis International, 23(3), 283-284. https://doi.org/10.1111/hdi.12750
Levine, E., Roberts, A., & Cohen, T. (2020). Difficult conversations: navigating the tension between honesty and benevolence. Current Opinion in Psychology, 31, 38-43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2019.07.034