The overall flow of the story
The overall flow of the story is good as we move through each scene seamlessly. The use of foreshadowing at the beginning of the story, where the protagonist describes a strange feeling that something’s wrong, signals to the reader that something wrong will happen soon is a good touch. The use of metaphors helps the reader understand some of the character’s complicated feelings. For example, after working all day, Kelly is left blue-faced. The employed use of dialogue for argumentative purposes, especially between the protagonist and her uncle or cousin, makes it enjoyable and rather lively. The description of the time spent between our protagonist and her grandmother helps us understand where her feelings of rage and sadness come from since we are shown the ties created between them. The tone of the story also transitions from that of excitement to that of anxiety and then to depressing so effortlessly such that one is not left confused.
The conflict between the extended family members and our protagonist doesn’t work as well as it should as we never really get an explanation as to why the grandmother suddenly decided to move, especially in the dead of night. The Interactions between her and her uncle/cousin without a proper backstory makes her come off as petty and unlikeable. The story also starts off being about coping with changes in our lives, with the departure of the grandmother being equated to going to a college far from home. However, in the end it does not pan out that way, it falls flat. The main character is also really static since she barely undergoes any inner change by the end of the story.
As an idea we could have had a situation where her grandmother had to move because of family feuds between her direct family and her extended one, this would justify her hate towards them. We could then go a step further and have the character try to resolve the issues between them in the span of three weeks thus introducing personal stakes for our character, this would then force our her to develop as she would have been able to understand different point of view of her extended family such that either way she would have coped with her grandmother leaving as she would understand it’s for the best or have her stay and thus get along with her extended family as she would have understood them at that point in time.
The story is rather lively and well thought out, it puts the reader in an emotional wrangle since the characters’ emotions and thoughts are brought out well. The pace is also good, it doesn’t feel dragged therefore the reader feels encouraged to continue with the story. Overall the story is very original, the characters are well thought out and the narrative is very interesting to read.
Best,