Revision letter
Address
Date
Drear Professor,
The United States has been witnessing unprecedented gun shootings even in public premises. The rates of firearm-related homicides have been on the rise in the past decade, which informed my choice for restrictive gun control, but not just gun control. The change was also necessary since the draft also talked about the restriction in owning firearms, and thus, the coherency was met in the final draft.
In my revision, I needed to narrow more on the restrictive gun control, which is a step that will ensure the government restricts who owns the guns. In this regard, I changed my topic from “Gun Control” to “Restrictive Gun Control.” The opening statement in the introductory paragraph was also changed to avoid repetition of the term “refer” and replaced by a continuation of the definition of gun control or firearms regulation. A thesis statement in any research paper gives the overall scope of research and should appear at the end of an introductory paragraph. The draft had a thesis statement but not at the end of the introduction, and thus the reader would not get adequate guidance on what the paper is all about. That explains why my final draft has the thesis statement at the end of the introduction.
The in-text citations are always appropriate at the end of an informative statement. For example, the statement “The American Journal of Preventive Medicine published a journal in 2003 that examined the restrictiveness of gun laws and the corresponding suicide rates among men and women in all 50 US states” requires citation since it is informative. The initial draft also contained spelling errors. A word such as “likelihood” was initially spelled as “like hood,” and “when” misspelled as “hen” in the draft and corrected in the final copy. The corrections of these errors will ensure the communication of the intended message without fuss.
The statement “This could be attributed to the fatality of death by guns thereby making it deadlier other mean of suicide” exhibited poor sentence structure. In the final copy, it was more appropriate to talk about the death toll caused by guns rather than the fatality of death by guns, which is grammatically incorrect. The statement was changed to “This could be attributed to the death toll caused by guns thereby making it a significant influence on suicide trend.” The change was precise, accurate, and communicated the intended meaning to the reader with a lot of simplicity in its sentence structure.
As I move on to the next level, one important lesson I learned as a writer is that it is always essential to proofread my work before submission. Certain errors and grammatical mistakes are difficult to identify in real time as I write, but they will be identified if I go through my work again. Another lesson I learned is that a thesis statement always plays a significant role in directing the reader on the expectations of the entire paper, and should be distinctively put in the last section of the introductory paragraph.
Yours Faithfully,
(Name)