STEPPARENT-STEPDAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP
Background
This paper demonstrates how child nurturing style, communication, trustworthiness, and spousal marriage bond determines the quality of the relationship between the stepparent and the stepdaughter. However, enhancing the quality of the relationship between the stepdaughter and her stepparent is mainly dependent on the conflict resolution and communication skills or approach which the parent uses while dealing with the child. For instance, if the stepparent speaks to the stepdaughter rudely, but speaks politely to her biological kids, the daughter will feel that the parent hates her and loves the other kids.
Consequently, the stepdaughter will believe the stereotype that stepparents are evil than biological parents. Therefore the daughter will provoke the parent to tell him that they are not her parents due to the feeling of being hated and isolated. Additionally, when stepparents stand up to solve a conflict between children, the resolution they make is very determinant to the relationship they build with stepchildren since, at times, a child may feel that the other is favored and loved most. This ruins the relationship between a stepchild with the stepparent. In such situations, stepparents should act like they support the stepdaughter to strengthen the bond between them.
Moreover, if a single parent nurtured the child, it may difficult for her to accept a new parent in the family. Thus it is recommendable that a stepparent interacts well with the stepdaughter and treats her with a lot of care to avoid deep thoughts, which may result from being mistreated. It may be challenging to create a good relationship between the stepdaughter and the stepparent, especially when the stepparent did not nurture the stepchild during her early childhood. Thus, due to the lack of family bonding, the stepchild may not readily accept that the stepparent as her biological father or mother. This further extends to parenting the stepchild, whereby without the biological link, they may tend to be very troublesome. Still, stepparents ought to cope with their behavior and show much love to them as a way of building a warm relationship with them. This automatically turns down the stepchild’s attitude towards the stepparent, hence the stepchild will love and respect the stepparent.
Besides, for the case of the spousal bond, if a single mother is married with kids, based on the fact that their mother nurtures the children. This childhood bond may lead to disagreement between their mother and stepfather, whereby if the stepfather mistreats their mother, the stepchildren end up hating the stepfather and may oppose him to tell that they are not his children. This is relevant for my topic since a twelve-year-old stepdaughter has an emotional bond with a biological parent. Therefore a stepparent should rarely engage in disciplining the stepdaughter to avoid feeling mistreated or hated since such things ruin their relationship. Thus, the stepdaughter will eventually respect the stepparent despite not being her biological parent.
Open communication is another critical aspect that helps to build a good relationship between the stepchild and the stepparent because when the stepchildren are regularly allowed to express their feelings. They, however, get attracted to the stepparent quickly since they are caring and take time to listen to them. Consequently, a close relationship develops between the stepdaughter and stepparent, and cases of disrespect will be waved since the stepdaughter will view the stepparent as a biological parent, who deserves respect.
Literature Review and Findings
The article by (Ganong & Coleman, 2017) suggests ways that stepparents may use in developing close relationships with stepchildren and how to uphold the relationships. They underscore that stepparenting is very strenuous and challenging, especially in designing a relationship with stepchildren to create a bond with them. Again, they illustrate a step by step course of building a stepchild-stepparent relationship by emphasizing that slow elimination of barriers between them helps to create close ties. Lastly, the article explains that a stepchild-stepparent link is broken in cases of re-divorce. However, this is a good demonstration for my research topic since the stepdaughter-stepparent relationship is broken probably after the daughter knows her biological parent.
The book by (Ivanova, 2020) demonstrates the difficulties experienced during family restructuring by underscoring that parenting non-biological children is difficult since the stepparent needs to tune their mindsets so that they accept him or her as their parent. The author found that the kind of relationship built between the stepparent and the stepchild is dependent on if the parent has biological children because if they have no children, they treat stepchildren properly and take care of them accordingly. This finding is relevant for my topic since there is an illustration that the stepdaughter is not satisfied with the love from the stepparent, and this may be because the parent has biological children.
The book by (Miller et al, 2018) highlights various variations of the family form, for instance, building blended or stepfamilies. Moreover, this book covers a variety of scenarios whereby it examines the experiences of the stepmothers to stereotyped stepchildren. The book further depicts the incidence of stigma explicitly among the stepchildren, which is primarily instigated by the stepmothers. Rebellious attitude is also displayed among stepmother. This, therefore, leads to the establishment of the opposing perception among stepchildren in an attempt of the stepmothers to become new adult or parent in their lives. This book is appropriate to my topic of study since the 12-year-old daughter is suspicious of her biological mother and father. This doubt of the reality of parents may be initiated by mistreatment, which is manifested through the act of the stepmother resisting the child, which is portrayed in the book.
The article by (Renegar & Cole, 2019) majorly designates the wicked stepmother. Further, the book reveals that wickedness is the feeling that is generally experienced by women after marrying a partner who has children. This book begins by making assumptions that being a stepmother will lead to numerous problems, and then later, it offers the solutions for the issues identified. This book relates to the topic under study as there is a likelihood of the stepmother facing rejection from the stepdaughter. The daughter claims that stepmother is not her biological mother, and this is among the encounters that stepmothers are likely to experience from the stepchildren. Most of this rejection begins when the stepdaughter is almost turning thirteen years old.
The journal article by (Jensen et al, 2019) discovers varieties of complications of fairness which befall individuals in the inheritance process, which are primarily instigated by divorce, remarriage as well as stepchildren. Further, this article perceptions that family members usually have fair inheritance consequences and personal possessions. Moreover, the report depicts that the equitable treatment of the stepchildren mainly facilitates ethical conduct or relationship between the stepchildren and stepmother. The integration of this article in the topic under study is essential since the existence of the relationship between the stepchildren and stepmothers is mainly initiated by the divorce of the couples leaving either one of the parents with the children. Therefore, the endeavor of the stepmother to inherit the stepdaughter, who asserts not to be her birth parent, may have been expedited by the separation or divorce, which may have caused traumatic experiences to the children. Consequently, this may have resulted in the establishment of a negative insight into the stepdaughter in starting a new life with the new adult.
The article by (Alves & Arpini, 2017) discovers the complications which a stepmother faces while entering a relationship with a partner who already has kids in her attempt to inaugurate the role which she will play in the new family. Therefore, this article aids to investigate the roles played by the stepmother in a remarried family and her relation with the stepchildren. Further, this article depicts that ethical conduct or relationship between the stepmother and the stepchildren is mainly initiated by the avoidance of interfering with the disciplinary aspects of the stepchildren. This article relates to the topic as it involves the relationship between stepdaughter and stepmother. Stepdaughter asserts that either of her stepparents is not biological. The uttering of these words may have been initiated by treating the stepdaughter in a way different from the way her parents treated her.
The book by (Murtorinne-Lahtinen & Jokinen, 2018) explores how the effects of stress in the interactions of the family. Amplified anxiety depresses the marital status of the stepchildren. Further, this article highlights the role of the supportive step- relationships in minimization of the stress hence promoting the positive development of the stepchildren. This article is appropriate in this topic as it aids in the minimization of the tension among the young children. They may be experiencing grief either due to the divorce of the parents. The presence of the stress may have initiated the reaction of the stepdaughter to the stepparent either due to the separation of the parents hence subjecting the stepdaughter to be inherited by the stepmother whom she rejects asserting that she is not her real or biological mother.
The journal article by (Sanner & Coleman, 2017) suggests that the role which is played by the stepmother in a family is lower than that of the biological mother. This is visibly verified within the article as stepmothers are generally stigmatized. This study aids in understanding the experiences of women without children in their transition of inheriting stepchildren, and will be easily incorporated in the topic as the stepdaughter may have been inherited by the stepparent, whom she claims as not her real or biological.
Discussion
The human development theory relevant to my topic is the Developmental Issues in Stepfamilies (DIS). The DIS theory clarifies that the development of a family relationship in a stepfamily is quite different from that of nuclear families (Bray, 2001). This is because the adjustment or development of a child is primarily affected by stepfamily relationships since they mainly interact with guardians with whom they have no childhood bond. Relative to my topic, the stepdaughter may have associated with the stepparent for some time. Still, when the daughter developed to a stage to reasonably think and manipulate specific issues, her statement that the stepparent is not her biological parent may be due to her childhood experiences and treatment, which is not provided by the stepparent.
According to my topic, there is evidence of a weak relationship between the stepparent and the stepdaughter because the stepdaughter does not respect the parent. If there was a good relationship between them, the child would be very obedient and will have no courage to provoke the stepparent. This may be resulting from mistreatment or harassment from the stepparent to the stepdaughter since if the biological parents of the child treated her better than the stepparent does, the child would declare the stepparent as not her parent. In such situations, the family requires counseling aiming at tuning the stepdaughter’s attitude towards the stepparent, and also guide the stepparent on how to interact with her to avoid possibilities of feeling overlooked or isolated. A counseling session will help in building stronger relationships between the stepdaughter and the stepparent. This is after the stepdaughter shares her feelings about the stepparent since the counselor makes her feel very safe and free to say everything. However, the stepdaughter will appreciate being listened to, and the stepparents also learn their wrongs to the stepdaughter, which they need to correct on to maintain a good relationship with the stepdaughter.
Various local community agencies are dedicated to providing counseling to stepfamilies aiming at restoring or building strong relationships between stepchildren and stepparents. They include,
- The Stepping Stones Counselling Center.
This agency will help in tuning the mindset of the stepdaughter to accept the stepparent as her new guardian.
Location: This agency has two locations,
- Clinton Township, MI
337400 Garfield Road, Suite 130
Clinton Township, MI 48036
- Chesterfield, MI
31205 23 Mile Road
Chesterfield, MI 48047
Contact information:
- Telephone
Call 586-213-1850
steppingstonescounsellingcenter@steppingstones-counsellingcenter.com
Mission statement: Refining and inspiring the value of stepfamily life.
Our staff comprises of skilled, approved psychological health specialists, who are all stepfamily members.
Services:
- Stepfamily “Tune-ups” (Immediate Discussions for Slight Difficulties).
- A couple and Family Counselling.
- Private Psychotherapy for Adults, Teenagers, and Kids.
- Step Families Australia
This agency is essential for my research topic since the stepdaughter’s feelings about being in a stepfamily will be exposed. Therefore, the stepdaughter will be provided with emotional support to accept the life change.
Location:
100 Drummond Street
Carlton Victoria 3053
Australia
Contact: 03 9663 6733
Mail: info@stepfamilies.org.au
Mission statement: Consolidating stepfamilies and stirring a society that identifies, values, and cares stepfamilies equally with other household customs, to attain their utmost potential.
Services:
- Guiding people on how to cope with robust stepfamily relationships and dynamics, and individual counseling for stepchildren to understand their feelings and provide emotional support.
- Parenting help. Guiding stepparents on how to interact with stepchildren.
- Tip sheets. These are meant to give tips for building good relationships in stepfamilies.
Conclusion
This paper has entirely analyzed the various ways of building close ties between a stepparent and a stepchild and clarifies multiple issues that may have undermined the excellent relationship of the stepparent and stepdaughter. Since the stepdaughter is not yet a teenager, the most probable reason for declaring that the stepparent is not her biological parent is that maybe her parents re-divorce. Therefore, after they return home, the biological parent has to convince the stepdaughter to restore the parent-child bond. In this way, the stepdaughter knows that the stepparent is not her biological mother. However, is the stepdaughter’s relationship with the stepparent is strong enough, the stepdaughter will not be easily convinced by the biological parent, and go to an extend of declaring that the parent is not her biological parent.
Additionally, the articles analyzed portray that if the stepparent has his or her biological children, it may be difficult for him or her to nurture the stepdaughter. But if the parent is childless, building a close tie with the stepdaughter will be easy since their gap of being childless is filled. Finally, it is recommendable that the stepparent and the stepdaughter should seek counseling services so that they understand the possible reasons for their conflict. This is because the stepdaughter will be given the freedom to explain her issues with the stepparent, and the parent will be advised on how to build a close relationship with the stepdaughter.
References
Alves, A. P., & Arpini, D. M. (2017). The remarriage: The role of the stepmother and her relationship with her stepchildren. Contextos Clínicos, 10(2), 185http://pepsic.bvsalud.org/scielo.php?script=sci_abstract&pid=S1983- 34822017000200005&lng=pt&nrm=iso&tlng=en
Bray, J. H. (2001). Therapy with stepfamilies: A developmental systems approach.https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2001-00139-010
Ganong, L., & Coleman, M. (2017). The dynamics of stepparenting. In Stepfamily Relationships (pp. 143-173). Springer, Boston, MA. https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4899-7702-1_8
Ivanova, K. (2020). My children, your children, our children, and my well-being: Life satisfaction of “empty nest” biological parents and stepparents. Journal of Happiness Studies, 21(2), 613-633.https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-019-00097-8
Jensen, E. J., Stum, M., & Jackson, M. (2019). What Makes Inheritance Fair in Stepfamilies? Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 60(3), 234- 252.https://experts.umn.edu/en/publications/what-makes-inheritance-fair-in-stepfamilies- examining-perceptions
Miller, A., Cartwright, C., & Gibson, K. (2018). Stepmothers’ perceptions and experiences of the wicked stepmother stereotype. Journal of Family Issues, 39(7), 1984- 2006.https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0192513X17739049
Murtorinne-Lahtinen, M., & Jokinen, K. (2018). Stepmothers in narratives: negotiations on relatedness. Families, Relationships and Societies, 7(2), 285- 300.https://jyx.jyu.fi/bitstream/handle/123456789/62538/1/finalmanuscriptstepmothers% 20in%20narratives.pdf
Renegar, V. R., & Cole, K. K. (2019). “Evil Is Part of the Territory”: Inventing the Stepmother in Self-Help Books. Women’s Studies in Communication, 42(4), 511- 533.https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/07491409.2019.1660745?casa_token= oWBvRV- bK5YAAAAA%3AA9PEfnRG8z8m6Oq1DwmEvDcYSBMraOgtVUlLGjMA_1ng8eiq5 vLYkuR6jhspbDQUM-wCDE6DtFNVruCu#abstract