WHY CHINESE MOTHERS ARE SUPERIOR- AMY CHUA
In her article, “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior,” Amy Chua compares the different ways of raising children among Chinese and Western parents. Chua states that Chinese children are more intelligent and more successful in life as compared to western children. Being a Westerner, I can relate her perspective and ideas to my childhood and upbringing. As Chua states, “academic success reflects successful parenting in Chinese parents.” Although most of her ideas reflect the current reality about Western parenting, some of her ideas differ with my childhood and upbringing.
Chua states that Western parents believe that emphasizing academic performance is not suitable for children. On the contrary, Chinese parents believe that emphasizing academics reflects successful parenting. When a child has troubles in their grades, a Chinese parent will spend a lot of time and resources to make their child successful and superior in class. However, my upbringing reflected the Chinese style of parenting rather than Western parenting. My parents were strict on academics and grades; my mother would not tolerate low grades. I used to have a private tutor whenever my grades seemed to be declining. My parents still stress academic excellence because they believe that good grades reflect good parenting and success in life.
Chua also claims that Chinese parents feel that their children owe them everything. Chinese parents devote their time and sacrifice their resources too for their children, and in return,
the children are expected to repay, respect, and obey their parents in their entire life (Chua, 2011). My parents, however, did not have the same perspective. As my parents always stressed, “everything we do for you is for your good.” Not that my parents did not stress on obedience, they sacrificed and taught me everything so as to benefit myself but not to repay them in the future when I become successful.
Chua states that “Chinese parents want to train their children differently”; they believe that they can choose what is good for their children and can make decisions on behalf of their children. Chinese parents prepare their children to build up their self-confidence so that no one can take away the children’s confidence when they become successful. Although my parents used to make most of my life decisions and directions, they also encouraged me to make my own decisions on some issues. Just like Chinese parents, my parents also helped me build my self-confidence and motivated me to chase my dreams.
According to Chua, Chinese parents also believe in tough training and reinforcement. Chua gives an example of how he raises her two daughters using the Chinese parenting style. She has created many rules and restriction on activities that her children are not allowed to do. Chua’s children are not allowed to attend a playdate, a sleepover, or participate in the school play. Unlike Western parents, Chua expects her children to practice and train hard on laying musical instruments (Chua, 2011). During my childhood, my parents had also created rules and put some level of restriction on some activities. However, I was allowed to go for sleepovers at my friends, attend playdates, and also participate in any school activity. My parents also stressed on the training of musical instruments, although training and practice were not tough and much strict.
Chua also mentions that Chinese parents believe that they can say negative things to their children without hurting their feelings. Unlike Western parents, Chinese parents do not worry much about saying some things, which can hurt their children’s feelings or damage their self-esteem. A parent can, for example, call their child “fatty,” referring to their health. Although my parents would scold me sometimes when I messed up, they never called me names or said hurtful words to hurt my feelings or lower my self-esteem. My parents used to correct me gently, but when the same mistakes persist, of course, I would get some whooping from my mum, but she never called me names at any point.
As Chua states, “Western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s psyches and self-esteem.” Western parents constantly worry about how their kids would feel when they fail at something. They also try to assure their kids about how good they are and motivate them to do better. By contrast, Chinese parents assume strength and push their children to overcome their own desires. Chinese parents demand and order perfect grades, precisely, straight As (Chua, 2011). They believe that their children have the ability to get perfect grades, and if a child gets any grade lower than an A, it is because they did not work hard enough. When a child fails in an exam, he/she is punished, excoriated, or even shamed so that they can learn and improve from it. As I mentioned earlier, my parents were strict and always stressed on grades. However, I would be applauded for doing my best, which sometimes was way lower than an A. my parents would encourage me to do my best through positive reinforcements rather than punishment and shaming.
I do not entirely agree or disagree with Chua’s point of view when it comes to parenting. The Chinese parenting style has its weaknesses and strengths, just like Western parenting. The tendency of Chinese parents to stress academics, perfect grades, obedience, and tough training is good for children because it pushes them to work extra hard and realize their full potential. The Chinese way of preparing their children for the future, particularly for success, is good for children because some kids are lazy or not persistent enough, and pushing them can actually be perfect for them. However, their modes of correcting, punishing, and making decisions for their children could damage the children’s self-esteem; therefore, the damage done on the child could outweigh the expected outcome. Western parents tend to be concerned about their children’s self-esteem, positively reinforce their children to do their best, and allow them to make their own decisions. In my perspective, no parenting style is superior to the other. However, I would prefer Western parenting over Chinese parenting.
Reference
Chua, A. (2011). Why Chinese mothers are superior. The Wall Street Journal, 8.